Look before you Leap-- Help from the Puritans

 

  Last year Andrew Hess wrote a wonderful article on parental involvement in choosing a spouse.   Specifically he told about how the Puritans did it.  The Puritans were serious about the pursuit of happiness and therefore unwilling to have the choice of a marriage partner be whimsical and impulsive. We cannot resist pulling out a few paragraphs for you to enjoy:
 

 

First of all, parental consent and involvement was very important in the forming of a marriage, and Puritan fathers felt personal responsibility for ensuring their children made a good match. In the day of the Puritans, young women desiring marriage would often lean on their fathers to help find a husband. Young men would approach their own fathers first before talking to the father of a woman they wished to pursue. Puritan engagements were a family affair, and the fathers were very involved in their children's choice of a spouse.

... Puritan teachers provided clear instruction on what to seek in a potential spouse. Theologian J.I. Packer explains, “The wise way to form an opinion about possible partners is to find out their reputation, watch how they act in company, how they dress and talk, and note whom they select as friends.”
The Puritans taught their youth to look for character and lasting affection. They did leave room for romantic feelings, but discouraged young people from making decisions based solely on romance alone. Again, Packer explains, “In choosing a spouse one should look, not necessarily for one whom one does love, here and now, … but for one whom one can love with steady affection on a permanent basis.” Puritan young people were to primarily look for a lifelong friend.

....The Puritans were cautious and careful with marriage for the sake of their own happiness. Gataker [a Puritan] explains,  “There is no society more near, more entire, more needful, more kindly, more delightful, more comfortable, more constant, more continual, than the society of man and wife, the main root, source, and original or all other societies.” It’s no surprise then that Puritan marriages were seemingly unbreakable by today’s standards.

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[Note: Several quotations are taken from A Quest For Godliness: The Puritan Vision of the Christian Life by J.I. Packer. See Chapter 16 “Marriage and Family in Puritan Thought” for more on this topic.]

For the entire article go to Puritan Wisdom on Seeking Marriage